“Divorce” and “easy” are usually not words spoken together in the same breath, and it's not surprising that this is the case. After all, divorce involves huge emotional, financial, and lifestyle changes: moving out into a new residence, leaving the partner you've been with for years for uncertain territory, establishing changed relationships and living situations with children, and adjusting to new financial realities that may include reduced income or assets, spousal and child support obligations, and higher expenses without the shared economic contributions of both parties. On top of that, the legal aspects of the divorce process can be extremely difficult and stressful when the parties cannot reach an agreement or even interact civilly as they each deal with all of these stresses. But there are a number of ways that the divorce process can be made easier, and we go through a few of them below.
Calmly Assess What Issues You and Your Spouse Need to Address
The first step to taking some of the stress and drama out of the divorce process is for both spouses to take a step back and assess what it is they actually need to work out in a divorce. Spouses may be at odds with one another over who was more to blame for the breakdown in the marriage, the lack of emotional support of one another, and broken promises, but for the most part those issues are not what you need to work out in a divorce and they will be of limited relevance to a court. Instead, couples should be able to put those issues aside and see where they have common ground on the following issues:
- How their assets should be divided after the divorce (real estate, vehicles, appliances, furniture, etc.)
- How much, if any, spousal support should be paid by one spouse to the other following the divorce, and for how long]
- Who should have legal and physical custody for the children (or whether it should be shared), as well as terms of child support and any visitation issues
Get the Help You Need to Make Agreement on These Issues Easier
If two spouses cannot ultimately reach an agreement on the above issues, then they will have to go to a divorce trial and have a judge decide them. That is a more expensive process (although justified in some cases), and can cause unnecessary animosity and delay, so you should do everything you can to avoid a trial. Fortunately, there are several approaches that can make the process easier:
- Divorce mediation: In mediation, both spouses will work with a neutral third party who is knowledgeable about all relevant divorce laws and will help the spouses work together towards solutions that work for both of them.
- Child custody mediation: As the name suggests, a child custody mediator focuses on issues of child custody and is a neutral third party that will help parents reach custody resolutions and parenting schedules that fit their needs and serve the best interests of the child.
- Consulting with an attorney on an uncontested divorce: It is often possible for two spouses to reach an agreement over their issues, but, too often, confusion over the law and filing requirements cause delay, stress, and can lead to acrimony. A trusted family law attorney can provide limited representation in helping you overcome these hurdles.
Surround Yourself With People You Can Trust
Marriage can often result in a spouse losing touch with friends and family, especially when the drama at home takes away from time usually spent on other relationships. You may feel nervous about reconnecting with friends and family when you've been “away” for a while. That said, these are the people who you are going to rely on for emotional support and objective advice with regards to dealing with your circumstances and making smart decisions both relationally and financially going forward, so reaching out to them sooner rather than later should make the whole process easier.
Similarly, an experienced, compassionate family law attorney can make a world of difference in easing the stress and difficulty of divorce while helping you to protect your rights and those of your children. The family law attorneys at Kurylo Gold & Josey in Fredericksburg are here to do just that, and they look forward to hearing how they can help as you move through this challenging process. To schedule a consultation with one of our Virginia family law attorneys, contact Select Law Partners at 540.642.1766.
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